Mentors Who Become torMentors

When Counsel Replaces Scripture and 

Influence Becomes Authority

An Interesting Question

How does a mentor emerge?

Mentoring can be one of the greatest gifts in a person's life. But when guidance turns into control, correction into humiliation, and influence into manipulation, a mentor can become a source of deep harm. Here are some observations worth examining.

Most mentors are never officially appointed. They are not elected by a church, commissioned by a ministry, or given a formal title. They simply become trusted. People seek them out because they have lived through experiences, gained wisdom, demonstrated character, and earned respect.

In that sense, mentoring is natural and even beneficial. Older believers encourage younger believers. Mature Christians guide those who are struggling. Throughout Scripture we see examples such as Moses and Joshua, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, and Paul and Titus.

Yet an important question remains:

What happens when someone stops being a trusted counselor and begins positioning himself as an authority beyond accountability?

That is where mentoring can become something very different.

Biblical Mentoring Versus Self-Appointed Authority

The Bible encourages discipleship, counsel, and spiritual guidance.

"What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (2 Timothy 2:2)

"Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." (Proverbs 15:22)

Older believers are instructed to teach and encourage younger believers (Titus 2:1–8). Wise counsel is a blessing.

The problem arises when individuals appoint themselves as spiritual authorities. Unable or unwilling to function within the accountability of a local church, they gather followers around themselves. They create teaching circles, discipleship groups, or personal ministries centered largely on their own influence.

Often, these individuals are accountable to no elders, pastors, church leadership, or wider body of believers. They have no mentors themselves, yet expect others to seek their guidance continually.

Gradually, the focus shifts from Christ and His Word to the opinions and interpretations of a particular personality.

The Appeal of Independent Mentors

Such mentors are attractive because they appear to have answers for everything.

Marriage.

Parenting.

Family conflicts.

Church life.

Education.

Employment.

Culture.

Young believers searching for direction often find certainty appealing. In a rapidly changing world, a confident voice can feel reassuring.

Yet confidence is not the same as wisdom.

And wisdom is not the same as biblical authority.

When believers begin relying on a personality more than Scripture, dependence has shifted in a dangerous direction.

When Personal Opinions Become Spiritual Laws

One common characteristic of unhealthy mentoring is the elevation of personal convictions into universal commands.

Bible verses are selectively gathered to support predetermined conclusions.

Women must not speak publicly.

Women must not teach.

Women should avoid employment outside the home.

Traditional churches have failed.

Only a small remnant truly understands the New Testament church.

Such positions are often presented not as interpretations but as unquestionable biblical truths.

Yet faithful Christians throughout history have understood many of these passages differently.

When a teacher presents his own conclusions as the only faithful option, he moves beyond teaching Scripture and begins exercising control through Scripture.

Peter warned church leaders:

"Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

The Rise of "Restoration" Movements

Throughout church history, groups have repeatedly claimed that they alone have rediscovered the true New Testament church.

Their message often sounds familiar:

"We simply follow the Bible."

"We are restoring first-century Christianity."

"Traditional churches have compromised."

"We have returned to the original pattern."

Not every new movement is false, and not every church tradition is correct. However, Scripture repeatedly warns against individuals who separate themselves from the wider body of Christ and gather followers around themselves.

Paul warned the Ephesian elders:

"I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock." (Acts 20:29)

Jude wrote:

"These are the people who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit." (Jude 19)

The issue is not whether something is old or new.

The issue is whether it is faithful to Christ and accountable to the body of Christ.

The Voice of Modern Counsel

A set of counseling statements shared by an independent self-made mentor with parents reflects a growing trend in modern Christian circles.

Many of these statements sound wise.

That is exactly why they deserve careful examination.

Advise # 1

"When children become adults, the relationship becomes mutual rather than authoritative."

At first glance this sounds reasonable. Adult children do become independent. Yet Scripture never teaches that maturity removes the obligation to honor parents or receive their wisdom. Adulthood changes responsibilities, but it does not cancel honor.

Advise # 2

"Your relationship has to evolve."

Relationships certainly change over time. However, the biblical model is not simply adaptation to changing culture. It is growth in love, respect, humility, and mutual service under God's design.

Advise# 3

"Boundaries aren't rejection."

Healthy boundaries can be beneficial. Yet the language of boundaries can also be used to justify emotional distance, independence, or the gradual weakening of family obligations. The question is not whether boundaries exist, but whether they are guided by biblical principles.

Advise # 4

"Parents must learn new ways of relating."

"Strong relationships require adaptation."

These ideas contain elements of truth. Every generation faces changing circumstances. Yet adaptation itself is not the highest virtue. The Christian question remains: adaptation to what? To culture, psychology, personal preference, or Scripture?

Advise # 5

"Strong relationships require adaptation."

This statement sounds harmless and even commendable. Strong relationships do require flexibility, patience, and understanding. Yet adaptation itself is not the ultimate standard. The Christian question remains: adaptation to what? To changing cultural expectations, personal preferences, therapeutic trends, or biblical truth?

Advise # 6

"Unsolicited advice may feel like criticism."

Advice can certainly be delivered poorly. Yet Scripture consistently encourages believers to receive correction, instruction, and counsel from those who love them.

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future." (Proverbs 19:20)

The modern concern is often how advice feels. Scripture is more concerned with whether advice is true and wise.

They Sound Wise

Taken individually, these statements may contain elements of truth.

Together, however, they often produce a subtle shift.

Not an obvious rejection of Scripture.

Not a direct attack on biblical authority.

But a gradual movement away from biblical categories toward cultural ones.

False teaching rarely begins with blatant error.

It usually begins with partial truths.

 

The Quiet Shift

Together, these ideas can quietly move the center:

• Authority becomes equality.
• Honor becomes negotiation.
• Obedience becomes preference.
• Duty becomes personal autonomy.
• Family responsibility becomes managed boundaries.
• Biblical counsel becomes therapeutic language.

Parents are no longer viewed as primary guides worthy of lifelong honor but as participants in a carefully managed relationship.

The language sounds compassionate.

The assumptions may be cultural rather than biblical.

When Wisdom Stands Alone

When asked for biblical grounding, the response is often:

"This is simply wisdom."

Certainly, not every life situation requires a direct command from Scripture.

The Bible values wisdom deeply.

But biblical wisdom never stands apart from God's revelation.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." (Proverbs 9:10)

When wisdom becomes detached from Scripture, it can easily become a vehicle for human philosophy, cultural assumptions, and personal preferences.

Paul warned:

"See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition." (Colossians 2:8)

 

The Bible's Warning About New Teachers and New Gospels

The New Testament repeatedly warns believers to examine those who claim spiritual authority.  

Paul wrote with extraordinary seriousness:

"Even if an angel from heaven or we should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed." (Galatians 1:8)

He later warned Timothy:

"For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears, they will accumulate".

Conclusion: The Test of Every Mentor

The question is not whether a mentor sounds wise, confident, or persuasive. The question is whether his counsel leads people closer to Christ, deeper into Scripture, and toward greater accountability within the body of Christ.

The New Testament never calls believers to follow self-appointed gurus, independent authorities, or novel teachings. Instead, it calls us to test every teaching, examine every claim, and hold fast to the truth once delivered to the saints (Jude 3).

Good mentors point beyond themselves. They do not gather followers around their personality, opinions, or private interpretations. They direct people to God's Word, encourage humility, honor godly relationships, and remain accountable themselves.

In an age overflowing with voices, platforms, and self-proclaimed experts, the safest question is not, "Does this sound wise?" but rather, "Is this faithful to Scripture?"

For every mentor, every movement, and every message, that remains the ultimate test.